#5: Marriage

Our guest is Lucille Williams, author of From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride-and Groom-to-BeFrom Me to We is a transparent, surprisingly honest, and widely informative guide that will inspire you to safeguard your marriage by tackling tough questions and issues before you say, “I do.” Lucille Williams offers straight-talk about marriage with unprecedented insight as well as challenges and discussion questions–a great tool for premarital counseling. This compelling, entertaining, insightful, and informative guide covers topics including the all-important question of “Why are you getting married?” as well as topics like forgiveness, communication, expectations for marriage, baggage, sex, and money–all from a biblical perspective.

Lucille Williams has an intense passion for writing, speaking, and sharing God’s love with anyone she comes into contact with. Her love for people, God, and family inspires her to be a champion for marriage and family relationships.

You can read her blog at LuSays.com

Her book From Me to We is available for pre-order on Amazon: From Me To We

 

Marriage is Hard / Me to We

Marriage is hard because it forces you to recognize the position that someone else has in your life. You wake up every day and realize that there is this other person, whom you must consider. It is hard but there are things that you can do to help it be better.

Communicating You Care

The best way that men can communicate their love for their spouse is to talk about their feelings.  Anger is often a default emotion, because it is ok for men to be angry but not to say what is really bothering them. Women can help this by not punishing their spouse for expressing his feelings or being honest. Making them feel bad for being honest will guarantee that that won’t be in the future.

Forgiveness in Marriage

Going to your spouse and saying,” I’m sorry.” Is something that need to happen more in marriages. One way to go about this is to think about your spouse. Lucille says she will often later think of an incident and recognize that she may have done something wrong, and then go back and apologize. I’m sorry is not something you say, just when you have been confronted.

What Happens if You Don’t Agree?

When your partner is hurt, there is no such thing as who was right and who was wrong. You reconcile with them because when one person is hurting your marriage is hurting. When you value the other person, it doesn’t matter.

Vocabulary For Fighting Fair

There is a vocabulary for fighting fair, and it starts by saying, “I” not, “you”. When you go to your spouse and say, “You did this…” they immediately put their defenses up. The best thing is to say, “I felt… when this happened.” Recognize that nobody can make you do or feel anything. You can talk about the incident, but never in a way that is accusatory. This takes practice.

Defining the “Rules of Engagement”

Having rules for when you talk about things and how you talk about them is an actual conversation that should happen. Establishing ground rules such as; no serious talks after 9 pm, or knowing how to table an issue and come back to it can save you a lot of heartache. It’s better to come back to something later, than to say something that may hurt your spouse.

Making Time for Each Other

Making Time for each other is super important! Date nights are great, and necessary, but it is important to make time for each other every day. If you are not doing this, then something is wrong.

Photo by Christoffer Lybekk / CC BY

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